I’ve been procrastinating on writing this post since this blog launched. When I began toying with the idea of launching a blog early last year, I never wanted it to be only makeup. There are tons of beauty blogs and you can visit any of them (I love when you visit mine though). So I thought of what would make my blog stand out and shine amongst the rest, the feel good part is what does it. I haven’t shown you much feel good, I’ve shown pretty and fun, but not feel good. I haven’t shown the feel good because I’ve been afraid to show the hurt. So here it goes:
In March 2015 I was officially diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I’ve known for over a decade that I have both of these disorders, but hearing my therapist say them aloud and knowing they’d be attached to a permanent file with my name on it, made it real. Both disorders are usually triggered by extreme stress (in my life, they manifest differently in others) and result in many days of not wanting to function. I can’t begin to tell you how many days I haven’t wanted to get out of bed, times I’ve been so cranky and irritable that nobody wants to be around me, plans I’ve cancelled because I was mid-meltdown, etc. I’ve been told by friends and family that I am dramatic, flaky, insensitive, and disrespectful, mainly because I couldn’t/wouldn’t convey the issues I deal with.
One of the most common things I hear when people eventually find out what I’m dealing with is “I couldn’t tell, you look fine” and THAT’S the point! I hear my mama and grandma say all the time, “you don’t have to look like what you’re going through, that’s not anybody’s business” and I believe that. I personify that phrase. I believe in it so much because I never want to look as bad as I sometimes feel. Call it a pride thing, call it vanity, call it whatever, you won’t catch me slipping, I’d rather stay home.
Feel Good Look Amazing is my constant. I can control what happens here. It’s mine. This is more than just a beauty blog because in sharing my love for all things beautiful, I’m keeping my sanity, I’m healing, I’m growing. So more often you will see posts that speak to the struggles but also overcoming them. Being down isn’t permanent for me, although there is no cure for depression or anxiety I’m learning to cope and this blog is more than just beauty for me.
Because this blog is so many things for me, I want it to be more for you. I know I’m not the only pretty brown girl who deals with depression, anxiety, or both. By using my voice and this platform to share my experiences and how I face these challenges, I hope I teach, empower, encourage, support, strengthen, or simply incite a smile on a cloudy day.